Imposter Syndrome. Have you heard of it? In short, its the idea that you feel like a fraud, not worthy or not good enough to be doing a job, or joining a club or similar (my lovely friend over at https://aquietlifeblog.wordpress.com/author/ruth4moz/ tells me that medically, syndrome the wrong term, but I’ll leave the semantics alone for now).
As someone with very little confidence in myself I suffer pretty badly from imposter syndrome, and I have lots of examples of when Ive experienced it, whenever people ask me what to I do for a living for example.
Them: “what do you do?
Me: awkward pause while trying to work out the easiest way to explain my job
Me: I teach performing arts.
Then comes the response that scares me. Either, they have no idea what that actually means and so I find myself stumbling around for an answer that they can understand, or they know exactly what it means and I suddenly feel that my 20+ years of experience are completely worthless because they are probably better at it than me.
As a spoonie, the phrase “but you don’t look sick” is thrown around so often its become its own entity. It seems its not enough to be in constant pain, if we don’t have any visible symptoms then we must be a fraud, and so some days I feel like a fraud on several fronts
I’m working on it though and Im really getting much better at feeling that I’m worthwhile.
I’m sharing this, because recently I enrolled in a Masters of Teaching (Primary school) and so of course, I have been telling people. Honestly, I have great people in my life and so I expected support and didn’t expect anyone to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough to do it. I expected lots of “oh wow, thats nice, good choice.” or even “sounds fantastic. well done on taking such a big step.”
But instead, what I’ve got has blown all the Imposter cobwebs away. Every person Ive told has said a variation of “You will be an amazing primary school teacher!” Not even a hint of me being a fraud, or not being able to do it.
So this week I began the journey. I know that its going to be tough, and there will be times when I will doubt myself, but I am exciting for this next journey.